This morning I looked out of my window and saw that it had started raining again, and I realized I couldn't hear it. I couldn't hear the sound of the rain hitting the roof or window. Couldn't hear the wind blowing through the trees. Couldn't hear the thunder last night. If I kept my curtains closed I would have no idea it was even happening.
That's how I have been living my life recently.
This has been working, letting the numbness of my situation take over for all the other emotions. Letting the rain pour only on the outside, staying dry in my little room.
I got a wake up call yesterday, though. Doesn't matter if you don't see or hear the weather outside, it can still affect you.
I heard the rain yesterday, as it fell from the ceiling of the dinning hall to the floor. A full on down pour; indoors. Needless to say it threw everyone's day off. Lunch was canceled and other arrangements had to be made. The RAs had to actually go out onto the roof and scoop water off while it was still raining. An amusing sight to say the least. But I asked myself this morning, what if that were my life?
If I wasn't paying attention to the weather and then all of a sudden it was pouring down on my head, or my heart. It doesn't matter how long I keep my emotional weather behind closed curtains, eventually it will catch up with me, and it won't be the good weather either. Sunshine and happiness (as corny as it sounds) won't be what comes seeping through the cracks, it will be rain. And it won't drip in slowly, enough for me to seal the crack and move on. When it rains, it will pour. It will flood, it will cause damage, it will take me by surprise if I don't keep an eye on the weather.
As much as it hurts, I have to let myself have emotion, I have to experience the weather. Cause as horrible as the rain may be sometimes, the sunshine will feel amazing.
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