Tea Cups and Giggles.

Happily home on spring break!  Got to come back and take some pictures at my lovely friend's birthday party!  We had a tea party.

The Road So Far.

Today marks the start of week nine.  Slowly but surely this quarter is wrapping up.  To be honest, it couldn't come soon enough.  This quarter has been such a struggle for me, and the hopelessness I felt when I wrote my last post, really never went away.

To answer some questions I have been getting since my last post, things in class have gotten better.  Over the first five weeks or so, I was being sexually harassed, everyday, in one of my classes.  Causing more problems than I would actually care to admit.  After finally confronting two teachers about it and getting  some repercussions because I "snitched", the harassment has died down to next to nothing.  A blessing, to say the least.  I am no longer fearful to walk into my classroom, or paranoid every time I passed one of my classmates in the hallway. I have had a few of my classmates admit that I now scare them, which to be honest, is a delightful turn of events.

In conjunction to that, over this quarter, I think I have bitten off a bit more than I can chew.  I am taking five classes, totally about seven hours of school a day.  Same amount that I took last quarter, but these classes are all at about the junior level.  I am the only second quarter in my English and Psych class.  It's a difficult schedule, both physically and mentally.  I am awake at six thirty every morning, in class by seven fifty, and only back to dorm at three thirty.  After I come home, I have about two hours of homework every night, along with a call to my mom, a few texts here and there from my boyfriend and other friends from back home, and dinner and socializing here at dorm. I was blessed with a really great roommate this quarter, which has helped make things a bit easier.  But it is still a schedule that is very demanding.  On any given day I am on the move from seven to seven everyday.  Sometimes later.  Even if I wanted to, I rarely can stay up past eleven at night.  Adding in the stress of the harassment, it's taken its tole on me.

After weeks of this, I have physically take a tole for the worse.  I'm not just tired, some days I can't even bring myself to walk down the hall to get food.  I have neglected my small group and church because I am either too tired on Wednesday nights to go, or I can't find time to between all my classes and homework.  I suffer from severe headaches, shakes, and am light headed most days.  I don't have many good days.

There are things that make it better, I have worked a short nap into my schedule, usually during the worst part of my headaches, so I just sleep through most of the pain.  Talks with my mom and short weekly skype dates with friends help cure the homesickness for just a bit, and then of course, there's the weekends.

Over the last month, I have been blessed with visits from people back home.  On Valentines day, Alan surprised me with a visit over the weekend, and then this past weekend, he and Erika came down for three days.  These weekends make life a little easier for just a short time.  The goodbyes are hard, but it's worth it.

Now, it's Monday, and another week stares me down.

Hope For The Hopeless.

Hopelessness is a feeling that I have been struggling with these last few weeks.  Not just in my own life, but in the lives of the people around me.


I feel hopeless on how to deal with people from back home, I am not physically able to be there for them, I can't be that shoulder to lean on.

I feel hopeless when I wake up every morning and face the reality of the hard day ahead of me.

I feel hopeless on what I'm surrounded by everyday, whether that be cruel group mates, overly-flirtatious classmates, or empty friendships.

I feel hopeless when all I want to do is call that one person, and I'm not able to contact them.



The pastor, at the church I attend here in Kentucky, said something, this past Sunday, that gave me a little perspective.

"There are no hopeless situations; there are only people who have grown hopeless about them."

And he is absolutely right.  I have given up on this quarter, and that only makes it worse.

Now here is where I should put this inspirational message about how I found myself looking for the good in my day.  But I'm being honest.  This week has been really hard.  I have come home every day and have just broken down.  I've cried because of exhaustion, frustration, loneliness, or just because that's the only way to express how I feel.  I can not attribute it to any one thing, but just the weight of it all.  And I know I am not the only one who is having this issue, it may not be all of the same causes, but we all go through this all some point in time.  It seems endless.

I'm going to be motivational for a moment and say it does end.  I haven't hit the end of it yet.  I'm still in the thick of it all, but one day, maybe tomorrow, maybe Saturday, maybe in a month it will be better.

Until then, I keep having to remind myself that no matter how lost, overwhelmed, or alone I feel, God is always there.  Making my day better in ways I don't always appreciate.

I'm not able to call my best friend or my boyfriend right now, which is hard, but He gave me my mother.  Who has been wonderfully understanding over the last few days, letting me cry, on the phone with her, for hours.

I am surrounded by people in school who try and destroy things that I have worked hard for, and one person who shows me unwanted attention.  God gave me a caring and understanding chef, who watches out for me and has my best interest at heart.

So I'm not hopeful right now.  But I can not be completely hopeless when I have God.

As Psalm 62: 5 says;

"Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him."

And Isaiah 46: 4;

"Even to your old age and gray hairs; I am he, I am he who will sustain you.
I have made you and I will carry you;  I will sustain you and I will rescue you."

My hope will come back to full strength some day, and He will sustain me until then, rescue me if I fall, and carry me when I just can't go on anymore.  So I do not have to be okay right now, or tomorrow, or everyday.  I just have to be okay in the knowledge that He is here and He is watching out for me when I am too tired to do it for myself.

And He can (and will) do that for you.

So let God be your hope when you are hopeless.

Hey, By The Way, Thanks.

How often do you say "thank you?"

Do you say it to the person making your coffee, to the waitress serving you dinner, to the teacher who hands you back your test score?  How about to God?  How often do you thank Him?

Do you say it every night at dinner?
Maybe just every Thanksgiving?
When ever something really good happens to you?

 Be honest, how often do you really say "thank you?"

I'll be honest, I'm really good at saying "thank you" but I'm not good at meaning it.  I say it everyday to the girl who makes my breakfast, I say it every time someone hands me something in class, but I don't say it to God everyday. Even though he's the only reason I am here.  He's the only reason I recovered from my fevers this weekend.  He's the only reason I woke up this morning.  He's the only reason I am able to write this blog.  And yet I didn't say "thank you" when I woke up this morning.  I didn't say "thank you" when school got canceled due to snow, giving me one more day to study.  I should have.  I should never stop saying it, cause there is always something to be thankful for.

We had a guest speaker at church a few weeks ago who said something that sat heavy with me.

In response to the question; "What is God's will for me?" he said, "Say 'thank you.' Often"

That's it.  Just say "thanks." It's not hard. Or is it?

Would you say "thank you" for that really annoying coworker or classmate that you have?
Would you say "thank you" for school when you're stuck far away from your loved ones?
Would you say "thank you" for the relationships in your life that don't seem to be good for you, just them?

I didn't.  Those were things I prayed to get rid of.  But during devotions a week ago, I ran across Colossians 4:2.

"Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful."

So I did.
I prayed for my least favorite classmates, every time I saw them.
I prayed for God to help me through this quarter and thanked him for giving me this opportunity.
I prayed for those in my life that needed more attention than I did, and how I could help them.

So I was thankful.  Then I watched.

My least favorite classmates took on my load in lab so I wouldn't be late to my next class.  Without complaint.
When I was struggling with homesickness, a classmate walked up and gave me a hug, saying it was good to see me.
God showed me what an impact I had on a friend's life.  How much I helped better their days.

It was truly amazing.  So I challenge you to do that today.  Say "thanks," for something you normally wouldn't think about.  Say it and mean it.  Then step back and see what is changed by you saying that.