Tick-Tock

Time is the most precious commodity and we can't get more of it. - Robert Irvine

Sometimes there are days that never end, month-long weeks, twelve hour shifts that feel longer than my entire college career, and other times there are days that disappear, a year that felt more like a couple of random weekends and Christmas break than my entire freshman experience.

I will be the first to admit, I am an expert time waster.  With the help of social media, I can make two hours feel like fifteen minutes.  It's almost an art form.   But we have all heard this spiel before; "Life is over in the blink of an eye." I have heard this from my elders for years.  "I blinked and my kids were grown."  Don't blink seems to be the overwhelming consensus.  But lately that seems to be all I have been doing.

Yesterday I was sixteen and terrified of driving a car.  Twenty minutes ago I was trying to work up the courage to talk to a boy I really liked. ...Wait... It's Monday?!

Normally I don't notice these things, but at work yesterday I got a rude awakening to how cruel time can be.   While working an event for school, our speaker for the night made an alarming announcement in front of not only the crew, but also, his entire audience.  Just hours before the show, he had lost his father.

He showed an extreme amount of decorum during the entire day.  Even those who worked closest with him, were ignorant of the fact.  After this startling announcement, we all stood in shock.  Crew and audience alike.  Our host took a short pause, then gave us some words of wisdom to take with us, that I know will resonate with us for a long time.

He told us to keep in mind what is really important to us.  To not let time slip away.

As he said these words, I watched husbands hold their wives a little closer, mothers kiss their children's foreheads, and the look in an old man's eye; telling more of a story than words ever could.

No matter who we are; celebrity personality, military, college student, businessman, mother, or child, time hides itself from all of us.  It does it very well, looking for the perfect opportunity to come out of the wood work and surprise us.

Don't let it go unnoticed.  Pay attention to time as it passes, and be thankful for every second we have.  Good or bad.

The Perfection in the Hustle and Bustle.

Here I am again, in the midst of hectic quarter.  My alarm clock seems to cackle at me every morning at five, getting too much enjoyment from my exhausted attempts to press snooze.   My chef this quarter is retired military, so this means, if you are early, you are on time, and being on time means you are late.  So class for me, starts at six forty-five.  There is a large amount of pressure and an even larger amount of laughter that happens during this class.  Professionalism is replaced by sarcasm, and if you can't take a joke, it is time to take a walk.  This makes five am worth it to some extent.  The snooze fest of my other classes, not so much.

Homework piles up and I fight to find the motivation to type notes every night, study for irritatingly frequent tests, and crank out five hundred words on a topic I find completely pointless.  What keeps me going?  The promise of only nine more weeks of this madness, and after that, I never have to do it again.

Now and again though, it isn't always enough. I just can't care about the history of dining room service anymore, and I run to the every understanding arms of Netflix or escape to a tiny coffee house and nurse a Chai tea, listen to almost painfully hipster music, and edit pictures.

Just like so many quarters before this, I am struggling.  It isn't the class load, it isn't even the distance from my loved ones.  It is the pressure to be perfect, and falling short so often.   I am supposed to have a plan, a "where do you want to be" list made up, with steps on how to get there.  I thought that I would have one by now.  But in reality, right now, my list is blank and screaming at me to figure this life of mine out.

It screams; "why don't you have a job; why aren't you getting better grades; why don't you know what you want in life?" Right now, I can't quench my thirst for those answers, and I have hit the bottom of many a coffee mug looking for them.

As easy as it is to find things to complain about in the hustle and bustle of my life, I sometimes have to take a step back and appreciate the little things.  Like being able to escape to the comforts of a good cup of coffee, a solitary drive every morning, and kittens napping in the sun as you snap picture of them.  (If you have seen my instagram lately, I seem to be more than a little bit cat crazy).  Remembering to take a deep breath and reminding myself that I don't have to be perfect right now, is something that doesn't happen enough and should happen a lot more often.

I have to find the perfection in the chaos that is my life.  How ever small and infrequent as those occurrences may be.

Happy Days.

Happy isn't something I always have in my day-to-day life.  In the last year, there have been a lot of days where happy feels like the last emotion I could experience.  Stress over school, relationships, and my lifestyle take control of my life and their grip doesn't loosen easily.  It takes a drastic change, usually found at the end of a seven hour car trip.  

Life is more happy when I am home in Michigan, surrounded with familiar faces, places, and coffee houses.  Even here, the stress of school still haunts me.  I have nightmares about being late to class or missing a test I didn't know I had.  Relationships follow me everywhere, and there always things that need improving.  Sometimes the only way to do that is to have a good cry, go to bed early, and try again tomorrow.  But my lifestyle in Michigan does change, drastically.  I sleep. A lot. It is glorious.  I also get to spend time with some of the people I love most in this world.  

Now I am facing the reality of having returned to Kentucky and another three months of seven am labs, homework, and doing my own laundry. I didn't want this break to end, but alas, I don't get everything I want. Bummer.  So here are some pictures of things that make me happy in Michigan.  Enjoy!

Apple Orchard Adventures.

"Try Again."

This is a post I have needed to write for a long time, but haven't been able to find the means to convey it.  Tonight I found my anecdote.

Since I have been back home, I have taken over responsibility for my dog, Tessa, again.  Feeding her, bathing her, and letting her outside.  Tonight, after a particularly emotional evening, I let my dog out like usual and was sitting outside in the lovely 50 degree Michigan weather, praying.  Hoping that God could give me an answer in Morse coded cricket chirps.  No such luck, but he did give me a slight epiphany.

 The chain that I attach to Tessa's collar when she is out, sometimes gets stuck on the staircase on her way back inside, not allowing her to climb up.  Now being the smart dog that she is, she know the command "try again" and when I give it, she goes back down and tries again.  On the second time, the chain is readjusted and she runs right inside.  She knows this.  This is how it works.  But sometimes she is too confident, turning so quickly that she doesn't allow the chain to move, and on her second try, she is choked and pulled back down.  I always chuckle at her and repeat "try again" and the next time she goes slower and makes it up.  Yet sometimes, showing her true puppy nature, she still wants to run, and is pulled down a third time.  That is when she yelps, she makes a small pathetic sound and stands at the bottom of the stairs, not willing to try again.  She is waiting for me.  Waiting for me to come move her chain for her, so she can run up those steps with no fear, because it always works when I help her.

I am like Tessa, life is my chain, struggle is my staircase, and God is my master.  I can go through my life fine on my own most of the time.  There are some days where I can run from one end of the yard to the garage and never have to stop.  It's almost as if I fly over the stairs without batting an eyelash, but other days, I stumble on that first step.  I get caught and God has to tell me to "try again," I turn around and with all determination I run up those stairs again.  This time I make it.

Next time I won't.  

Next time I will try again, and stumble once more.  God will chuckle at my enthusiasm and tell me to try again.  Then I will slow down, carefully letting the chain move and I will make it up.

But then there are nights where I don't make it up the second time.  That when I stumble again, I won't listen to my master's command of "try again."  Instead I will sit at the bottom of my staircase and I will whimper.  I will cry out until my God comes and helps me move my chain, so that I can run without fear.

This is how my life is, and I am incredibly humbled to realize that I am just as helpless as my twenty pound mongrel.  That I need help just to get inside.  That I can't do it alone every time.  That as much of an independent woman that I think I am, I still need God to give me the command and to step in when I can't climb my struggle alone.

So tonight, God didn't send me coded messages though the crickets night songs.  Tonight God showed me that regardless of what I am going through, I need to try again, and when I feel like I can't anymore, He will be there to help me out.