Crime of Being Too Nice?

Have you ever heard the phrase, "you're too nice," before? I've heard that phrase more time than I can count.  I heard it in high school, as I helped a fellow student struggling in class.  I heard it when I gave a family I was working for a break on my payment, because they couldn't afford my paycheck.  I heard it when I offered to help pick up a friend's shift at work.  I heard it when I moved into my apartment, running myself ragged trying to live my own life and play "mom" for my roommates.

I finally realized what this phrase meant after someone actually wagged their finger in my face and said, "You're too nice" in the most accusatory tone. I felt bad.  I felt regret for being nice.  I felt as if everything that was happening to me was my fault, and that I needed to be better.  I need to be better than "nice."

This isn't an unfamiliar feeling.  In every instance of being too nice, I realize that I have felt that regret. When in all actuality, its not my fault at all.  In every instance where I was too nice, there was someone on the receiving end who was taking advantage of me.  Using my disposition to their advantage.

But that's how the world works, Lauren.

Yeah, that's right.  That is how the world works.  Those of us willing to use other people to get what we want, will succeed. It happens with all of us.  I will honestly say that there are people I have used to further my life in a positive way.  My parents for one.  They provide for me, when the only 'thank yous' they ever get are cards on holidays and the occasional phone call from their perpetually absent daughter.
We've all "used" people... that's not really the issue.

My issue with all this, is the fact that the nice one is the one blamed when something goes wrong.

"Oh, you're tired?  You shouldn't have covered that extra shift.  You're too nice."

One day I will have children, and I never want to tell them that they are too nice.  I don't think it should even be a phrase in the English language.  I want to look at them, if something goes wrong, and tell them that bad things happen, manipulative people are out there, but don't change who you are and how you treat people.

If my child really loves sharing their lunch with a classmate, I would much rather pack them extra, then tell them not to share.

I don't like the idea that we are raising the next generation to avoid being nice, for fear of what someone else's child may do.  What kind of a world will they grow up in?  One where everyone is too afraid to be nice?  I don't want that for my children, and I'm sure I can get most parents to agree with me.

So here is my proposition, let's quit shaming the nice guys.  Why not emulate them as opposed to alienate them?  Let's not make being nice a crime.

-Lauren

Best Friends.

This weekend I was graced with a visit from two of my very best friends!  Girls Weekend!  It was a much needed break from the stress that I've had this quarter.  Having two girls who are so willing to just go and explore the city with me, makes for some adventures!

Friday; we were able to just explore.  We walked down through town, past restaurants, coffee houses, and cute boutiques.  Taking pictures and making friends!

We stopped at a coffee house called "Quills" chatted with the barista and got permission to play in the shop and take all the pictures we wanted!  And there was free coffee involved so, naturally, I was thrilled!

Behind the lens. 

Free Coffee! 

We then wandered around, and found a small catholic church build out of grey stone with wonderfully red doors. Naturally we took some pictures around it and met Leo.  Honestly, we assumed he was just a really friendly guy walking by the church and saw us with our cameras and wanted a picture!  Turns out he is the custodian of the church we were photographing!  After talking to him, we found out he had been working in churches for almost twenty years and has a little sister in culinary school as well!  We chatted and he asked if we wanted to come inside and see the church.  We accepted and I'm so glad we did!  The church was small but beautiful, with gorgeous stain-glass windows and artistic details.  

*Leo

*

Our Saturday adventures included me heading off to work!  Then thrift shopping, where I got some "new" props for my food photography, more on that to come!  After a long day out, we headed to the apartment for the night.  It was great to just be able to spend quality time with these girls again.  Spending mere days at home every three month and even less time with them, doesn't fill my need for girl time!  So Saturday was spent doing what all girls should do during a girls night...

We laughed.  We cried.  We had noodles.  

Life is good and my friends are pretty, enjoy more pictures!

I am truly blessed with two amazing friends who spent their weekend, and twelve hours in a car, to come visit me!  I can feel really alone here in Kentucky.  I have a lot of people around me, but not many I would call true friends.  These girls sat with me and we talked about our lives, boyfriends, my struggles with school and being away from home, and as I began to feel overwhelmed, I just broke down.  Before the first tear left my cheek, I was surrounded by my friends.  Arms around my shoulders and prayers being whispered to me. They are amazing and I don't know what I would do without them!

Love you girls!

-Lauren


* These pictures were taken by Erika Wells.  Check out her website here!

Apologies.

Now I am understanding what my mother went through for the last nineteen years.  Karma has come back to bite me, even before having my own children.

This post should really starts with a story from almost three years ago.

At age sixteen, I was a nanny for a family of four children, between the ages of one and ten.  For a little more than two weeks, at the beginning of August, I worked between ten and sixteen hours a day.  I cooked meals, played games, cleaned house, settled fights, and played 'mom' to my little ones.  Even when my work day was technically over, I couldn't turn nanny mode off.  I slept on a pull out couch in the living room, and almost every night that twin-ish sized bed was full of me and three little girls.  Coincidence that all three girls had nightmares every night and had to sleep in my bed? I think not.

During the course of the vacation, I realized what a terrible child I used to be.  When I asked the older girls to help me with some of the daily chores like; bringing me the dirty dishes, folding blankets, putting away clothes, and picking up Cheerios that the one year old spilled in his last temper tantrum, I was met with whines and groans.  Worse was not getting a response at all.  After asking four times, usually I would give up and do it myself.  Honestly, the youngest was the most helpful. He seemed to be genuinely happy to help me throw trash away and move all the shoes from one side of the living room to the other.  (Useful, not terribly.  Adorable, always).  One day, after a particularly long and frustrating day I found myself saying some of the same things that my mother used to repeat to me.
"You need to respond when you hear me."
"Pause the movie and do what I asked, the movie will be there when you come back."
"You are watching Barbie; FairyTopia... it doesn't have commercials... Clean your room now! 

Bringing this story to more recent events.

I have been living in my apartment with two roommates for about two-ish months.  To say I am the mother of the group is a bit of an understatement.  Granted I don't have to get the girls dressed and help them brush their teeth every morning, but sometimes I still open my mouth and my mother comes out.
"Hailee you aren't allowed to keep the sun as a pet."
"Stop throwing coasters at the cat!"
"If you two don't stop squawking, you aren't getting dinner tonight.  You aren't peacocks you are humans!"
"Alright, give me the Nerf guns, you have abused each other enough for one day."
"Turn off the TV, we are having dinner!"

Today after a very long day at school, I looked at my mile long to-do list and just wanted to sit a weep for a while.  Cleaning, laundry, dinner, grocery shopping, menu planning, homework, blog writing, and entertaining a guest!  All while my roommates headed out to a movie, with said guest, before coming home wanting dinner.

Such is my life!

So today, I realized that all those little things I did to irritate my mom when I was a kid, came back to bite me in the butt.

So Mom, this is for you. I love you and I am so, so sorry!

-Lauren 

Strawberries.

My boredom on Fridays means you all get to look at some strawberries! Enjoy!

Waiting.

Since I have been back at school, I have had several people ask me about AJ.  The same kind of questions I had mentioned before, but a few asked me a question I honestly didn't expect.

"So, when are you moving out to California?"

The people who ask this don't know AJ, or I, very well. I've only shared a class with them for a quarter or two. I am surprised by this question because it's something that didn't even cross my mind.  I will move back home to Michigan in December, it never occurred to me that moving to California was even an option for me.  Honestly, it's not an option for me, but I realized that my reasons behind that answer, weren't clear to my classmates.

I am a Christian, and part of what I believe is that couples don't live together until they are man and wife. 

When I told my classmates that I won't move in with him until we are married, I got laughed at.  Out right amusement at the fact that I would wait until marriage.  The next thing out of their mouth was "When is the wedding?"  Again... I was a bit taken-a-back.  I have only been dating AJ for ten months.   When I told them how long we had been dating, I was met with more laughter.  Seems that my take on relationships is literally laughable. 

Thinking back, at least three times, since I started dating, I have been asked if I had slept with my boyfriend yet.  When I tell people that I hadn't, that I am a virgin and waiting till marriage, people have shown varying reactions to the news.

Some laugh.
Some tell me I'm a prude, to just sleep with him already.
Some look at me like I am some innocent child, like I don't understand how the world works.
Some look at me with envy, telling me that they wish they would have waited.
Some applaud me for the choice I have made.
Sometimes it is a combination of these.

What gets me is, in the same breath, someone can call me a prude and still be envious of the "innocence" that I have.  I have no problem telling people the reasons why I haven't slept with anyone, and why I am waiting for my husband.  I do it not only to respect my God and myself, but to also respect my future husband.  There is a possibility, as much as I don't like to admit it, that I won't marry AJ.  That I may find myself, five years down the line, engaged to someone else.

What would he think of me if I had been living in California, with my then-boyfriend, just a few years ago?
What would he think of me if I wasn't a virgin and he was?
What would that do to our relationship?

When I place those questions in front of my classmates (and myself), the answer if quite clear. Even to someone who doesn't share my beliefs. The look in their eyes changes.  Sometimes to self-loathing, other times to contemplation. I'm never sure if I change anyone's mind, but something has got them thinking about what makes me different.

Girls from my class have told me that they admire the relationship that AJ and I share.  That they wish they had boyfriends like AJ.  I smile because I know they are saying those things partially because military relationships are romanticized too much by media these days, but maybe, just maybe, I may be of some influence over the way these girls go about their next relationship.

Waiting isn't such a bad thing.

So here we are again, at the end of a post, where I attempted to be profound in my relationship giving advice. I'm not actually sure who reads my blog, but maybe some young girl out there, who is embarrassed because her friends keep calling her a prude, will read this.  Maybe she'll be able to stave off the peer pressure for a little while longer.  That's my hope, at least.

Coffee and Eggs.

Due to my alarmingly early schedule this quarter, I have a hard time sleeping in.  Meaning, that when I am awake at seven and no one else is, the list of things to do are severely limited.

So this morning I decided to play around with a bit of food photography, something I have been interested in for a while, but had yet to completely delve into.  At seven in the morning, there isn't a ton to photograph, plus I have a bit of a one track mind in the mornings.

Coffee and Eggs it is!  

Commitment to Creativity.

I'm back in Kentucky after eleven short days on break in Michigan, starting into eleven long weeks of school.  This quarter is full of new things, not just new classes and classmates. I have moved into an apartment with two of my friends here at school, which is quite the switch from my tiny dorm room.  Three, nineteen year old girls in a small apartment... I'm sure I will have plenty of stories to tell, but that's another blog post.

Since I have been back I have had to start a new routine.  My day now starts at 5:20 and ends after dinner is cleaned up and homework is done.  On top of my school and roommate commitments, I have made a few commitments to myself...

I have gotten very far away from my creative side as a reader, writer, photographer, and cook.  I have become a Pinterest addict, thinking that counts for something... (it doesn't).  So this quarter will be different.  I will be more creative.  I will read more, write more, take more pictures, and make more yummy food.  And never fear, I'll post all my adventures here so you can see what I am up too! 

This was my quick, creative journal entry from today.  

50 things to be happy about... 

Basically just fifty things that make me happy.  A good thing to have on those long days when happiness feels really far away. 

So wish me luck on the next eleven weeks! We'll see how I do!

Bonus;

This Goober came in and wanted to know what I was doing!

Tuesday; my roommates little Terrier mix.