Ready To Leave?

My mother and I went through all my college stuff today.  Washed my bedding, counted out all the things we need to buy, and (I, at least) mentally prepared myself for leaving.  I still have a ton of stuff that I have to do and get, before I am actually ready to leave, but I'm getting close.  Now the stress is starting to set in.

I move in September 18th.  I do not know who my roommate will be.  I do not know what classes I will be taking. I do not know how I will survive in a new state, seven hours from home.  To describe me as apprehensive would be the understatement of the century. 

I'm freaking out.  And yet, I'm excited.  I'm finally gonna be on my own, left to my own choices and my own decisions.  I'll be moving somewhere where no one will know me as "Aaron's little sister" or "The piano teacher's daughter".  

I have the chance to meet new people.  Make friends (none more amazing than the ones I have right now though).  Fall in love.  Yes, I went there, but I mean it more than just finding my future husband.  I get the chance to fall in love with the state, the school, the work, the people, the food, the culture. 

I'm homesick already!  It's crazy how much I'm gonna miss my family, friends, Tessa, and the state in general.  It's going to be a huge adjustment, but I'm coming to terms with it.  I may be ready for this.

Summer Camp 2013

Exactly a month ago, I was at summer camp.  I was a last minute counselor at Christian Horizons. A one week summer camp for special needs adults.

This was one of the most terrifying and humbling experiences of my life.

My week started out on Saturday afternoon, travelling down to camp with a family friend and another counselor.  The day was spent unpacking and setting up for the rest of the staff to arrive. I was blessed to have met two wonderful young ladies that day, Carolyn and Esther.  We instantly got along, which is unusual for three, eighteen year old girls.  

Sunday was a staff training day.  We met Hannah today.  And against the odds, yet another girl joined our little pack.  And thus began "Giggle Fest 2013"

Monday our campers arrived and stayed until Saturday morning.  Boy what a week!

God showed me what it was to be a servant. I spent a week caring for these amazing people, who are so loving, forgiving, and truly amazing.  Granted you have to be a little special to deal with this camp as well.... On average the girls and I got about four hours of sleep a night.  Most of us woke up at 6 every morning, got our campers up at 7, breakfast at 8, at 10:30 morning activities (crafts, boating, bows and arrows, or music), lunch at 12, Nap time for campers from 1-2, at 3 afternoon activities (cooking, bows and arrows, bible study, boating), at 4 we had swimming or movie, then dinner at 5:30, our evening program at 7, snacks at  8, devotions and campers in bed by 9:30.  Was that the end of my day? No.  After the campers were in bed, some of us would head off to the staff meeting and then have break until 11 (we would rotate shifts on different days).  

The girls and I usually would stay up chatting in the stairwell till about 12:30-1:00 am.  Comparing notes on our days, sharing funny stories, or just talking about our lives.  We bonded a lot during that week, not sure I could have survived camp with out these wonderful ladies!  God truly bless me. 

And then come the campers.

The first night, after a very long day, I texted a couple of friends asking for prayer.  I was confused about why God had sent me to this camp.  Why had he put me here of all places?  I wasn't any good at this! But when one of my friends responded with, 

"Just remember, God always has a plan, and he might have put you there more for others' benefit than your own."

I realize then, I was thinking about this whole thing wrong.  

I wanted to know what I would get out of this week, not realizing that it what I put into the week that mattered.  My entire outlook on the week changed.  

God did change me that week, it just wasn't in the way I expected.

Where was I going with this...?

Yet again, I'm going to be sentimental.  You have been warned. 

I've been going through some of the pictures on my laptop, collecting them in a folder to have printed for when I leave for college.  I thought I would just get the ones from this past year (late 2012 to present) but I found myself going much farther back.  All the way back to 2011.

"What happened in 2011?" you ask.

Let me explain, no, there is to much, let me sum up.

 In the summer of 2011, I was a nanny for four wonderful children.  For the sake of the family I won't use their real names.

Sarah; age 10 years
Hannah; age 7 years
Lucy; age 5 years
Levi; age 18 months

I had been around these kids for three years prior to this summer. Their parents were involved in the sports team I was training with at the time.  I had know Lucy since before she could talk, I watched them grow up.  I was/am extremely attached to them... And for good reason.  I had been their nanny for only a few months, but I spent three or more days a week with them for three years due to practices.  I love them.

Keep in mind I was sixteen at the time.  I fully believe I was mature enough to handle being a nanny, that opinion was shared by my parents, the children's parents, and other team members.

At sixteen I was given a tremendous workload with the kids, long hours and we were in another state, in a hotel room.  It was a hundred degree temps that summer year in Colorado, and it wasn't good for the kids to be outside.  So what options was I left with to amuse the kids?

Lots of movies, coloring, and fort building with the hotel couch cushions and blankets.

I discovered my hatred for Barbie movies that summer.  They are dreadful, my daughter will never be allowed to watch them...  But that's and entirely different blog post.

It was a hellish two weeks.  I was terribly homesick, very tired, had cabin fever, and just plain frustrated.  What made it worth it?  Levi coming up to me, randomly, on our second to last day there, looking up at me and saying, "Larn.  Eevi hug."  He threw his hands us in the air asking to be picked up.  After I picked him up, he proceed to give me a death-grip of a hug, then put his head on my shoulder, and relax there.  He fell asleep as I ate dinner.

I would give my right arm to go back to that moment now.  I makes my heart sick to think that he doesn't remember that day, or that vacation, or me.

Now, it's two years later and I'm staring at a picture of them, remembering all the arguments, tears, giggles, scraped knees, bible stories, goodnight hugs, bad manicures, nightmares, goldfish cracker wars, and love that I had for these kids.  The love that I still have for these kids.

I miss being a nanny.  I think that was the point of this blog post.  Not really sure.  I kinda got away from me there at the end.  Oh well.



I wish I could share a picture of these precious children, but without the consent of their parents, I will not.

Stargazing.

It's a brisk 60 degrees tonight, which is quite a relief from the last week of humid 90+ temps.  I wore a light jacket around the house today, turned off the AC, and opened the windows. It was extremely pleasant, and tonight is no different.

Its been so muggy the last few days that being out of doors was out of the question.  Tonight, all I really wanna do is be outside.  There are no clouds, the moon is almost full, and the stars are shining in all their well deserved glory.  It's perfect stargazing weather.

Warm enough to be outside, but chilly enough to need a comfy sweatshirt and some company.

I used to be the solitary type. A girl who would have spent hours outside after dark, contemplating the meaning of her sixteen year existence.  I'm not that type anymore.  I am a newly converted extrovert, and my friends are quite proud.  I even have a small group of people that like to stargaze with me.

Tonight, I miss them terribly, not just the company they provide, but the knowledge that I am not the only one who has ever stared up at the sky looking for answers.  The questions do very from person to person, but I know they all have them.

I also miss the conversations.  And yes, I know. Stargazing is supposed to be a quiet activity, full of self-reflection and moodiness, and yes, sometimes it is.  But with these people... The talks and laughs that we have while we are all sprawled out, on beach towels, in my yard, are some that I will treasure.

For example;
*Singing "Airplanes" and trying to convince everyone that the satellite that you just saw was a shooting star, just so you can cross it off your bucket list.
*Running around the yard, with a towel as a cape, because that's what superheros do.
*Staring at a star and spinning around in circles until you fall over. (Which apparently makes me adorable.)

Life would be so boring without stargazing nights.

I Have Returned.

Well my blog doesn't look neglected or anything! My last post was Easter, my goodness I am lazy!

Actually not lazy. Simply busy.  I have been blessed with some amazing friends this year, and I have been spending most of my time with them.  Literally. Almost all of my time.  I come home to sleep and get my "morning" coffee and then I'm gone again.  Tessa hasn't been terribly pleased with me, she's attached to my hip (or ankle) when ever I am home.  In the summers, she usually sleeps on the chair in the corner of my room, but lately she has been snuggling up with me in bed, despite the 80 temperatures inside the house.

She knows when I am leaving too; she has learned that when I grab my army green messenger bag, and when my friend Nate's car rolls into the drive, that I won't be home till late.  It bothers her, and she lets me know.  Howling and growling at the window when Nate arrives, and then running to me, crying and trying to stand on my bag.  I'm not neglectful, believe me.  There is always someone else home with her, a brother or a parent, and for the off chance that she will be home alone, I leave her out of her crate, free to roam and play with Riley.  She's well fed and she is let out before I leave.

I'm not sure what I'm gonna do when I leave for college in two months.  The longest we have been apart was two weeks, and even then I was terribly home sick for her.

College is gonna be hell for me.

I'm not only leaving behind my Tessa, and my family, but I have to leave some of the most amazing and understanding people I have ever met...

My Friends.

God has truly blessed me with these people.  And I'm leaving them.

Well I guess I'm being all depressed cause a bunch of my friends just left me for a week and it is beginning to sink in that one week is nothing when it comes to college.  The sun is setting on this part of my life.

Hey look-ie there! I'm so clever, tying that little phrase up with a picture!

Alright. Rant done.  I've vented my feelings onto the interweb.  Now I'm off to enjoy the epic rainstorm going on right now.