When I read these verses back then, I had just started dating AJ. My small group leader made some comments on these passages, having us take notes of who we should be looking for in our future husbands. The opening lines of both of these passages are almost identical. "Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord [as to the Lord]." Not the greatest opening line directed to a very stubborn teenage girl in a new relationship. The first time we went over this topic, I didn't think too much of it. "Don't date/marry someone you can't submit to" was the main point drilled into our heads. The more I thought about it though, the more that word "submit" bothered me... After talking with my leader a little more carefully on this subject, I got a better answer. "Don't date/marry someone you couldn't let make the big decisions." If you can't relinquish control of major decisions like where you live, this job or that job, or kids or no kids (or when) then you shouldn't marry this person. Honestly, it makes a lot of sense for those of us who still believe that the husband should be head of the household and the family. This doesn't mean he doesn't take the wife's opinion into consideration, it just means that he has the last word. (Again, difficult for a stubborn girl to hear).
Now, before I have someone gets up in arms about how sexist that statement sounds, hear me out. I do believe there is a time and a place for the woman to take charge. If the safety, physically, mentally, financially, or spiritually, of herself or the rest of her family is in danger, then by all means, don't listen to him. I know there are men in this world that abuse the position they have over women and they don't deserve the respect that submission gives them. But here is where the rest of the passages kicks in; "Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them." So let me give you the phrase that should have been drilled in our heads, "Do not date/marry someone who isn't worthy of the respect you are giving him by submitting." I know plenty of girls who would have no problem submitting to whomever was the cutest or had the best car. Submission isn't hard for them. But those men may not be worthy of respect.
See, that's where things are a little backwards for me. I'm very capable of giving respect, I give it to whomever deserves it. But I am not as capable of submission. I respect those in authority to me, but I do not always obey them, I only obey if I agree with them. Basically, I only submit if I can pass it off as my own idea. It's so bad that I will even blow off my chef's instructions in lab because I think that my way is better or that his suggestion doesn't matter. So far, I haven't been wrong, but maybe that's the issue. Maybe I should be wrong more often. Maybe that will teach me how to submit, because right now, it is the most difficult thing for me to comprehend. Letting another human being have a huge input on some of the biggest decisions of my life. Not my idea of easy. Giving respect to that human being, piece of cake. A piece of cake that I dictate the specifics of. If it's chocolate and he likes vanilla or, heaven forbid, he prefers pie, then out he goes.
Alright, I have just made a food analogy, I think it's about time I actually made a few points and wrapped this up.
Ladies; when looking for your future husband, look for someone worthy of respect and someone you trust enough to submit to in big decisions. Someone who is;
- Understanding
- Patient
- Forgiving
- Trustworthy
- Respectful
- Has God's will for his, and your, life always in mind
There are more to add to that list, but the reason I have just those on there is because they do mean something.
- You want someone who understands that it isn't always easy to submit.
- You want someone who gives you time to come to grips with submission.
- You want someone who will forgive you when you snap at him because things aren't going your way.
- You want someone you can trust not to hurt you with the decisions he is making.
- You want someone who respects you just as much as you respect him.
- You want someone who has submission to God, and to his will.
Gentlemen; when looking for your future wife, look for someone is willing to submit, but not blindly. Someone who is;
- Strong
- Humble
- Patient
- Understanding
- Respectful
- Forgiving
- Has God's will in mind
Yes, there are repeats, but bear with me.
- You want someone with enough will of her own to give her opinion and fight for what she thinks is the right thing.
- You want someone who is humble enough to realize that her opinion isn't always the best option.
- You want someone who is patient with you when you don't know what the right option is.
- You want someone who understands that you are human and can make mistakes.
- You want someone who respects you enough to submit to you leadership.
- You want someone who, if the need arises, will give you another shot if you need one.
- You want someone who will be ever mindful of what God wants for you both.
So there is my little speech on at least one section of relationships. To be honest, a section that I struggle with quite a lot. Something that has been weighing on my heart and a subject that's worth a blog post.
