Saying Goodbye.

In the past month I have had to say goodbye in many different ways.  To friends at school who are graduating, my instructors who have helped me through a really tough quarter, my sanity, and my best friend.

Some goodbyes are easier than others, I don't sweat saying goodbye to my classmates, or most of my instructors.  They are just formalities, but others seem to push me past the limit of what I can handle.

• My chef this past quarter has been amazing, she has helped me through so much and was that mother figure I needed when I am so far away from my own mom.  I won't have her for another class while I am here, but she has promised that we will work together again.  I had a brief visit with her yesterday and we caught up on each others lives.  We've both been better after getting out of that class, both mentally and physically. 

• Another chef has also greatly helped me through some of my struggles this quarter.  He was a supporter and protector when the harassment in class became too much for me to handle on my own anymore.  Along with helping me protect a fellow classmate when the need arose.  Now he's definitely not my father figure, not even close, between the goofy jokes and teasing we bantered back and forth, he's more of a brother figure. Another thing I needed when I was so far away from my own brothers.

These two instructors helped make this quarter survivable, pushing me to do better in my classes and supporting the efforts I made.  Saying goodbye is not something that I enjoyed about my finals week.  A simple thank you doesn't seem to convey the weight they helped lift off my shoulders and the peace they still give me when I walk though the halls and get a hug or a simple smile. 

• I said goodbye to my sanity long ago, but what little remained left me finals week.  I was living off the hope of being home that Friday, and nothing more.  I was physically not able to take another week of last quarter.  The headaches, light headedness, shakes, back pain, and more recently anxiety attacks made my everyday a bit of a struggle.  I could break down at any second of my day and thankfully, every time I did, I was alone.  Even my roommate was oblivious to them for the first week.  Currently, I don't suffer from them anymore, any of them.  From headaches to anxiety, I've been free of them for two weeks.   

• Then, possibly the worst goodbye of them all; my goodbye to AJ.  On March 16th, I said goodbye to him over the phone for the next three months.  He headed off to boot camp and I was stranded in Kentucky staring down the barrel of the gun they call finals week. It's already been a month, I am happy to report, but that didn't make that morning any easier (or the next few weeks either, for that matter).  AJ and I would talk everyday, which was another reason I made it through last quarter.  His support and wise words helped me make sense of what was happening, and gave me comfort when I felt weak and defenseless.  He was my biggest fan when I found out my grade for my hardest final and cheered me on as I faced some difficult days.  Now it's my turn to take up that roll, as he is facing the hardest 13 weeks of his life so far.  A roll I am extremely proud to undertake, to try and some how repay what he has done for me.  

I have learned a lot in the last month.  Learned things bout myself and what I am capable of, things I didn't even think were possible for me.  Goodbyes are hard but I think they are some of the greatest teachers of all. They prove that life goes on after something ends and that not all farewells are sad.  They are just a symbol that life is starting a new chapter, for better or worse.  So yes, I said goodbye, but I opened myself up for so many more "hello's."