Crime of Being Too Nice?

Have you ever heard the phrase, "you're too nice," before? I've heard that phrase more time than I can count.  I heard it in high school, as I helped a fellow student struggling in class.  I heard it when I gave a family I was working for a break on my payment, because they couldn't afford my paycheck.  I heard it when I offered to help pick up a friend's shift at work.  I heard it when I moved into my apartment, running myself ragged trying to live my own life and play "mom" for my roommates.

I finally realized what this phrase meant after someone actually wagged their finger in my face and said, "You're too nice" in the most accusatory tone. I felt bad.  I felt regret for being nice.  I felt as if everything that was happening to me was my fault, and that I needed to be better.  I need to be better than "nice."

This isn't an unfamiliar feeling.  In every instance of being too nice, I realize that I have felt that regret. When in all actuality, its not my fault at all.  In every instance where I was too nice, there was someone on the receiving end who was taking advantage of me.  Using my disposition to their advantage.

But that's how the world works, Lauren.

Yeah, that's right.  That is how the world works.  Those of us willing to use other people to get what we want, will succeed. It happens with all of us.  I will honestly say that there are people I have used to further my life in a positive way.  My parents for one.  They provide for me, when the only 'thank yous' they ever get are cards on holidays and the occasional phone call from their perpetually absent daughter.
We've all "used" people... that's not really the issue.

My issue with all this, is the fact that the nice one is the one blamed when something goes wrong.

"Oh, you're tired?  You shouldn't have covered that extra shift.  You're too nice."

One day I will have children, and I never want to tell them that they are too nice.  I don't think it should even be a phrase in the English language.  I want to look at them, if something goes wrong, and tell them that bad things happen, manipulative people are out there, but don't change who you are and how you treat people.

If my child really loves sharing their lunch with a classmate, I would much rather pack them extra, then tell them not to share.

I don't like the idea that we are raising the next generation to avoid being nice, for fear of what someone else's child may do.  What kind of a world will they grow up in?  One where everyone is too afraid to be nice?  I don't want that for my children, and I'm sure I can get most parents to agree with me.

So here is my proposition, let's quit shaming the nice guys.  Why not emulate them as opposed to alienate them?  Let's not make being nice a crime.

-Lauren